Changes began taking place in me. I started to understand that not only was I responsible to my parents when I did something wrong, but also to God. Even if my parents couldn't see me God did. When I felt alone or scared, God was there. I discovered something else: it is fun to praise God. The songs we sung at church began to take on new meaning. I felt a deep sense of purpose when I sang them, and when I was praying. Of course I didn't describe it like that then. I said more child like things like, "Let's sing it again, Daddy" or "Could you teach me the words? I want to know all the words like you do."
Life got more complicated in high school, and I questioned my faith. I think mostly because I was scared and lonely, and I stopped trusting in God completely. I saught after other things--popularity, relationships, possessions. My junior year I was in a serious car accident. I came away with only muscle soreness. God used that bad thing that happened to remind me that He plans good for me (Rom. 8: 28). I was grateful for the reminder.
Still, I often saught my own way. I loved God, but I wanted to be the boss of my own life. I began attending Bible college, mostly because I was ready to be on my own. Through studying His Word, and through friends who refused to give up on me, I slowly started to realize what it meant to trust God with my life. To say that I loved God, but not trust Him left me feeling empty and deceitful. God wanted me to obey Him in everything not only for His glory, but for my good (Matt. 5:16, Jer. 29:11). God had put inside of me a desire for both.
Not until I was ready to trust Him did I meet my husband. I don't believe God gives us everything we want, when we want it. But I am thankful for what He has given me. We both believe we are better together than apart. After four years of marriage we had our first child, Elizabeth, and we are very grateful for her as well. God has given us both the desire to serve Him as missionaries. We are now looking forward to our work with Fellowship International Mission.
Along the way, many things have not gone as I would have hoped. I have experienced pain and sadness, fear and loneliness. Though it often seems life would be so much better without all those things, I know God uses all of them for good. When I was in high school I had a teacher who told us that her prayer for us was that when life got hard, and we faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles, that God would allow us to see the big picture, the way things look from a mountain top where you can see for miles and miles. I still pray that prayer for myself often, and it is my prayer for you as well. I pray that you will put your trust in Christ, and become a part of His family, a family with an inheritance in heaven (John 3:16).